


I h8 Eridan.

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Crushes, F/M, HATE crushes specifically, Hate Crushes, I guess this is kind of a middle school au?, Speech Disorders, Speech impediment, Stop the Bullying 2k14, it's really just two characters talking about a third character and how much he sucks dick, just kidding, might make an eridan mirror of this actually, seems like something middle schoolers would talk about, vriska complains at kanaya while she works on an art project for class, who knows - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-13
Updated: 2014-03-13
Packaged: 2018-01-15 14:29:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1308223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“It may come as a surprise to you, but I’ve been hit on by guys enough to know when it’s reeeeeeeeally not worth it."</p><p>“...How many guys have hit on you? Two?”</p><p>Eridan's a jerk and Vriska won't shut up about him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I h8 Eridan.

**Author's Note:**

> WOW i suck. i actually can't believe this is my first one here tho, lol i have so many better ones i literally wrote this one on a whim

“I hate Eridan.”

“Why,” Kanaya begins absently, focusing on her art project. “Is he that bad?”

“He’s a douchebag,” Vriska spits, leaning back in her chair and chewing her gum slightly more angrily than before. “He talks funny and he’s gross and racist. He sounds and looks and _is_ stupid.”

She hesitates, setting down her marker. “He has a speech impediment, Vriska, don’t make fun of him for that.”

“He’s still a jerk.”

“But he laughs at your jokes.” Kanaya seems genuinely confused.

“So does everyone, doesn’t make him less of an ass-face!”

“I heard he thinks you’re pretty,” Kanaya goes back to working, only speaking after momentary silences to think about her words carefully. She just kind of peers at Vriska out of her peripheral vision. “He might have wanted to go to the spring formal with you."

“It may come as a surprise to you, but I’ve been hit on by guys enough to know when it’s reeeeeeeeally not worth it. This is one of those times where the guy is a total dickwad but I would be hated by EVERYONE for not liking him, like I only dislike him because he can’t fucking talk worth his life!” She crosses her arms and puffs out her bottom lip, letting the chair fall back forward so Kanaya doesn’t nag her about splitting her skull open.

“Vriska. He has. A speech impediment. You don’t -- that’s not a valid reason to dislike him, you’re being mean and unreasonable.”

“I DIDN’T KNOW THAT’S WHAT IT WAS. I just thought he was frickin’ stupid. And anyway, I didn’t say that was my ONLY reason for disliking him, now, did I?” Her eyes shine, like she might start crying, but it wouldn’t surprise Kanaya; Vriska likes to guilt people, it’s this whole thing. She doesn’t actually care.

“...How many guys have hit on you? Two?” She tries to count them up in her head. There was Tavros Nitram, with the messed up legs and the quiet voice, but the bold personality that he didn’t seem to think was there at all. John Egbert, with the buck teeth and friendly attitude, who couldn’t understand why Vriska was so cold (her relationships sucked) and hard (her family sucked more). Maybe Equius creeped on her? No, they mostly just banter back and forth, like close friends that aren’t actually close at all. In fact, they kind of hate each other.

“All the boys. All of them. I even had some girls hit on me!”

“Who?” Kanaya asks incredulously.

“You know that Rose chick? I’m pretty sure she thinks I’m hot. Oh, and the Megidos are just all over me.” She puts her finger to her lips, trying to look like she’s thinking (she never thinks). “And Ampora, no, not Eridan, he isn’t a girl but he flirted with me once. Not that that’s impressive, because he hits on everybody. What a tool.”

“Yes, I think he once tried to impress me with his leather jacket... it wasn’t very interesting. It wasn’t even real leather.”

Vriska laughs.

“Okay, but seriously. Fuck Eridan Ampora. Fuck him with all the rage in Karkat and Meenah and Gamzee combined, to the tenth power, times the heat of the sun.”

“That’s not very nice.”

“I am not a nice person.”

**Author's Note:**

> well that was short
> 
> MAY OR MAY NOT be based on my own experience. he still has a speech impediment, and he's STILL A PRICK. absolutely nobody was surprised.


End file.
